We have all been offered a hand up at one point or another. It could have been something as simple as a smile, as complex as a chance, or as generous as a financial blanket. Whatever it was, it helped us survive. But how many of us are paying it forward?

I am surprised by how often people criticize others for the same faults that once belonged to them. For example, the man who has survived the gruelling life of homelessness looks upon a homeless man today with contempt, rather than mercy or compassion. The now successful man believes he achieved his success by the sweat and blood of his own brow and judges the homeless man for sitting on the ground and begging for money. Does he remember that, before he could stand up, many people passing by lent him a hand? How could he not remember?

The confident executive, with chin up, may look at the young woman biting her nails during an interview with a piercing gaze. The candidate has glowing credentials, but she isn’t dressed well. Her hands are shaking. She looks like a deer in headlights. Does the exec recognize her reflection sitting there? Does she remember that she once was that girl, and that someone looked beyond her fears and chose to be confident for her? Or does she walk away with eyes rolling, wondering why kids these days have no spine, and never give the young woman a call back? How can she not remember?

The man and his wife having breakfast at a family restaurant snap at the new parents beside them because their children are being too loud. “Can you control your kids?! Some of us are trying to have a good time! What’s the matter with you?” they exclaim. They react without considering the embarrassment they are subjecting the parents to in front of their children. When the young family goes home, the dad might tell his child to go do his homework, and his child may snap back: “what’s the matter with you?!” Society has successfully taught him how to disrespect his father like that. And meanwhile, the couple trying to enjoy their time do not recognize the harm they have caused, nor do they remember how difficult it was to raise children in a judgemental and impatient society. How can they not remember?

We have all been given a hand up. Whichever way you slice it, even if you are convinced you are the victim in every situation in your life, or believe you have succeeded single handedly, you have been helped. One hand cannot clap alone. Perhaps you have not noticed the help. Perhaps you don’t remember it. But that doesn’t mean that it was not offered to you. And so, when you have a chance to be helpful and kind to others, take it. Try to see the world through other people’s eyes. Be compassionate and kind. Remember that, no matter how successful one might become, he is worth nothing if he cannot love.

And remember… we design our own luck!

M.