To help Angelina (see details at end of post): https://www.gofundme.com/angiefightslyme
October is nearly upon us… I don’t know about you, but for me, October tends to be the second busiest month of the year (after December), and it is quite possibly my favourite month of the year. Between apple picking, pumpkin picking, Thanksgiving, and Halloween, the weeks fly by so quickly, we can’t believe summer morphed into frost while we were busy dancing.
October signifies parties to me. Lots and lots of parties. And so this brings up the question of hosting and gathering people together under one roof, typically my roof, to share a good time.
People often ask me: “how do you have the time?” or “how can you make the annual commitment?”
They ask: “why do you invite so and so? We never see them except here!”
My perspective on hosting has been fairly consistent over the years. My philosophy is simple: the door is open and all are welcome.
However, this year, something is a little different. For the first time, I have noticed things that I turned a blind eye to before. The people who I shared the last 5 Thanksgivings with consist of two groups: one that I see regularly, because they call, and another that I only see at Thanksgiving. It never mattered to me before. All were welcome anyway.
What’s different this year?
Whenever people asked me why I insist on inviting strangers and distant acquaintances who never invite me back, I quoted Jesus. After all, He had the right answer: “When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends, your brothers or sisters, or relatives, or your rich neighbours; if you do, they may invite you back and so you will be repaid. But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed.”
My argument was that what I was doing was not nearly enough. I am not inviting the poor, the crippled, the lame, or the blind… I am inviting acquaintances who never repay me. I do not expect anything in return. Maybe that can bridge the gap between what I do and what God expects of me.
That usually sufficiently answered the question, at least for me.
Until this year. This year, I am being extremely picky with my guest list. What happened?
After some soul searching, I’ve finally come to the answer: I am hurt. How many years have I spent making room in my heart, in my home, and in my life for people who never returned the favour? How many years have I been deeply hurt and shoved the frustration under a rug in an effort to follow in the footsteps of the Greatest Love of all? What has come of it? Of course, this is a very human question. It’s a situation that Jesus would never be confronted with because He wouldn’t be hurt at all. You cannot hurt if you have no expectations. But I am only human.
I have been married nearly a year. Half of the people I celebrated Thanksgiving with for the past 5, some even 10 years, didn’t come by once to visit me to check if I was doing alright, if I needed any help, or to congratulate me. It was a difficult year. None of them picked up the phone. I was lucky if I got a text message. And so, I am hurt.
“What would Jesus do?”
Well… my first instinct is that He would invite everyone anyway. He would forgive and keep the door open. But, something is wrong with that picture. Jesus said: “Do not invite your friends” and urged us to, instead, “invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind.”
Jesus would wrap up the party and open an evening soup kitchen. He would serve the most delicious turkey and wine. He would ask His friends to show up to help, and to partake in the feast. He would tell me to stop wasting my efforts on the absent and unavailable, and use the love in my heart to help somebody instead.
What can I do to get a little closer to that goal?
This year, my house will be a little quieter than usual. If I haven’t seen someone in a year, they will not be invited. This is not to be spiteful, nor is it because I’m angry, but rather because I would prefer to make a donation. God teaches us to be kind and loving, but He also reminds us every day that we are also worthy of love. This is not the equivalent of opening my doors to the homeless, I know… but one step at a time.
This year, I will ask my guests to help me raise some money for Angelina, a beautiful young girl who is fighting Lyme disease (with her father). She needs our help. My guests will be asked to place donations instead of bringing a dish to the party. At the time of this writing, Angelina is $4000 CAD short of her goal. If you would like to help me help her, you can find her campaign here: https://www.gofundme.com/angiefightslyme
A happy October awaits, full of light and love for you all.
And remember… we design our own luck!
6 thoughts on “On Hosting…”
Thank you Marian you touched us deeply. Aida
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It is the least I can do. I hope the goal is met soon !
Marian that was such a touching blog. I am Angelina’s mom and i am speechless. I am often described as “strong” as I push through this “storm” but your blog really touched me deeply. Thank you for your meaningful words and actions ❤️💚. I can tell that you are genuine and I completely understand how you must feel when your genuinity is met by people who are not “real”. In fact this illness has helped us see that not all people are made equally, and in fact some complete strangers have cared so much more than people we’ve known for a long time. All this to say that we are blessed to know people like you exist because you care from your heart, and that is priceless. God works through us in mysterious ways and he finds special people to remind us of this when we need to hear it. 🙏❤️💚
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Randa, our hearts are with you. I pray that we can all find ways to help as much as we can. It’s unfortunate that in our times of great pain (and even of great joy), we learn the hard lesson that many of our friends are not true to us. I believe that everyone is made in the image of love and so, when your friends don’t show up for you, know that it is fear that keeps them away. People do not want to take responsibility for anyone else because they are so afraid that they don’t have the capacity to love that much. That’s ok. It paves the path for new friendship. Stay strong through the storm. God is watching and waiting for the perfect moment to light your path. Hugs for Angie! -M.
Marian thanks so much! We need to stay in touch. How can I reach out to you? This is divine intervention!
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Hi Randa 🙂 will add you on FB