Category: Self-help

On Jealousy…

Marian DLeave a comment

“The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves” – William Penn.

In my culture, jealousy and envy are seen as collaborating sisters who can bring forth the tides of hell. Home entrances are decked out with eye shaped blue ceramics to shield the inhabitants from “the evil eye,” the eyes of the jealous and envious.

In the West, the two are differentiated: the former is seen as a natural product of love, and the latter is perceived as malicious. Those who are jealous feel this way against their better judgment and have good intentions, but those who are envious are guilty of consciously wishing failure and loss upon others. In the East, this differentiation is ignored because jealousy and envy are both expected to bring bad luck. Whether or not the bad luck is intentionally generated is irrelevant.

Read More »

On Pain…

Marian DLeave a comment

We all have pain.

We have all survived something. That’s the nature of life.

It’s easy, of course, to look at other people and imagine that they have no pain at all. The Instagram highlight reel is absolute perfection, so we assume everything else must be perfect too. If we have learned anything from the double-shock of losing Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain in one week, however, it is that we could not be further from the truth.

We all have pain.

Not one to indulge in celebrity culture, I was quite taken aback by how much Bourdain’s choice to die caught me off guard. I haven’t been able to write as consistently because I’ve been trying to wrap my mind around this heartbreak. How can someone so incredible, with such an abundance of God-given gifts, who brings such light to the world, be so overwhelmed by darkness behind closed doors?

Why did he have to go like this?

We all have pain.

Let me share a few personal stories…

Read More »

On Self-Care…

Marian DLeave a comment

My dad once asked me to solve a riddle on the drive home from school.

“If you were a mother of two, and you could only bring home one loaf of bread every night, how would you split it?” he asked.

“DUH! In two!” I responded, eager to show him how selfless I would be.

He stuck his finger up off the steering wheel in his tell-tale way.

“Wrong?” I asked.

“Wrong! If you split it in two, you won’t be able to eat, and you will starve to death!” he explained.

“And there won’t be anyone left to bring my kids any bread at all!” I realized in awe.

You cannot pour from an empty cup.

That’s all I have to share today.

And remember… we design our own luck!

M.

On Gratitude…

Marian D2 Comments

When discussing gratitude, I see patterns in how people react. Some proclaim that they do exercise enough gratitude, while others insist that they have nobody to thank for anything because they did it all themselves. Meanwhile, others reflect that, while they are grateful, they are still unhappy.

These are all inherent contradictions.

Unhappiness cannot linger in a grateful body. It may pass by once in a while, but it never finds a pillow to rest its head. In the same way, happiness cannot linger in an ungrateful body. It seeks out the comfort of a thankful heart.

Being thankful for what we have invites more of what we want into our lives. I am often surprised by the people who practice thanks as an hourly habit. No matter how dire their circumstances may be, they calmly and confidently conquer the storm. Where do they get that strength from?

“Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light!” – Albus Dumbledore.

Read More »

On Vision…

Marian DLeave a comment

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned” -Buddha

I thought of this, one of my favourite proverbs, as I observed a brief exchange this morning. In the pouring rain, a woman stood under a bus shelter and dropped her umbrella. She didn’t notice. A man who saw this happen took the initiative to pick up the umbrella and give it back to the woman. She looked right through him, so intently avoiding eye contact that it seemed she did not see him standing there at all. “Are you OK?” he asked. No response. Another woman intervened: “are you alright?” “YES!” the woman snapped, “but why is THAT *derogatory racist word* man speaking to me?”

“He was giving back your umbrella.”

Read More »

On Fridays…

Marian DLeave a comment

Offices across the Western world are familiar with the hum and buzz of Friday. In the East, perhaps it is Wednesday or Thursday, but the sentiment is very much the same.

We don’t really question this. Naturally, it makes perfect sense to have the Monday blues and the Friday ya-hoo! Right?

What is wrong with this picture?

Read More »

On Paradigms…

Marian DLeave a comment

We are all born with a specific set of rules ingrained in us. Some are genetically written, others are environmentally derived. These rules form the patterns and models we grow to live by, our paradigms.

You might have heard of the expression “paradigm shift”. This is the phenomenon of experiencing a fundamental change in your paradigm. In order to make an impactful change in your life, it is imperative to first recognize, then address, the paradigm you hold. How can you do this?

Read More »

On Judgment…

Marian D2 Comments

“Do not be the judge of people; do not make assumptions about others. A person is destroyed by holding judgments about others.” – Gautama Buddha

We all face (and, let’s be honest, dish out) judgment every day. What matters is not the judgment itself, although we can often learn something from it. What matters is how we react to it. If we let it get under our skin without cultivating any lesson from it, we lose. We don’t generate any luck by feeling insulted. For the record, we also do not generate any luck by judging others.

Read More »

On Fear…

Marian DLeave a comment

In The Alchemist, Coelho writes: “Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself.”

This was proven true to me by my two little Pomeranians, Mocha (female) and Twix (male). Yes, we have a thing for naming our dogs after our favourite treats. Mocha has always been tentative and fearful. Despite the fact that her breed is well recognized for surprisingly high bunny hops and the zoomies, Mocha prefers to remain very snuggly attached to mother earth. It can take her a full 5 minutes to muster up the courage to jump up a small step, and she often resolves to roll up in a ball and cry until we pick her up.

1.5 years into having Mocha, we adopted her half-brother, Twix. Polar opposite to his sister, Twix fully embraces performing the high jump. He has lept up and jumped off furniture so high that I’ve dropped my jaw in a high-pitched soul shuddering shriek as my heart shattered, certain that my beautiful puppy has tumbled down to a concussion, or to his demise. Contrary to my expectation, he has always come hopping back up with not a care in the world.

Mocha gets injured much more frequently than Twix, although she leaps less than a tenth of the distance.

In this way, my dogs have shown me that there is no greater obstacle to success than fear. Overthinking about what could possibly go wrong causes us to take shorter leaps, and results in more frequent injuries because it deters from our focus.

Read More »

On Thoughts…

Marian DLeave a comment

You’ve probably heard the expression “you are what you eat.” This is logical… if we eat well, we become healthier, proactive and energetic. If we eat badly, well… garbage in, garbage out!

Let’s take this a step further. Did you know that you are also what you think? Thoughts are invisible to the naked eye… nobody can see or hear them (or so we hope!). What if I told you that, over time, these thoughts have such a profound impact and manifest so clearly in our lives that they might as well be put on a display buffet, spotlights blazing? Scary and a little disarming, isn’t it?

I didn’t come up with this idea. I grew up listening to my parents’ stories and advice that pointed to it: “if you think you can do it, you will,” and “what you think, you become”. I connected the dots much later in adulthood when I started recognizing the dramatic shifts in my luck relative to my state of mind. This encouraged me to read more about the power of thought. Our thoughts shape our characters, behaviors and habits, so why is it so far-fetched to believe that they also shape our luck?

Read More »